Many of us believe that the external events in our lives are the root cause of our suffering. But what if the real cause lies within our own interpretations? By reflecting on the stories and meanings we attach to our experiences we enter an inward process of self-discovery that begins the beautiful journey of emotional healing.
We interpret our experiences through a lens of past conditioning, fears, limiting beliefs, unresolved trauma and repressed emotions, which distorts our reality. We fuel our own suffering by how we interpret situations and the actions and words of others, often making them mean something that goes far beyond the truth.
When our nervous systems are unbalanced due to this stress we end up either retreating or taking it out on those around us.
We essentially live on autopilot unable to regulate our emotional responses as our nervous system takes the wheel and we function from a place of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We surrender our power and lose the ability to consciously respond.
Some common emotional reactions are:
Over-talking and interrupting
Gossiping or blaming others
People-pleasing and avoidance
Self-criticism and judgment
Take a moment to look over your past week. Are you aware of how you've responded in different situations? Were you overly talkative and unable to listen? Did you speak badly about a friend behind their back or yell at your child? Maybe you detached from or avoided a situation?
These are all reactions that come from a place of fear and pain. This fear is a distortion, a lower frequency of our true selves.
Society has told us to suppress these emotional reactions and behaviours, to ignore them and bury them deep within us because they mean there is something wrong with us.
The problem with what we've been taught is that suppressing them does not eliminate them. It merely stores them in our bodies and stirs up more internal chaos.
Continually operating from this place and ignoring these repeating behaviours can erode our self-worth leaving us anxious about social interactions and afraid to express ourselves.
Though often a source of embarrassment, these behaviours are not only a part of us but are essential for our growth and understanding. Just as Yin complements Yang, Light requires Shadow. One cannot exist without the other.
They will persist until we realise our inner turmoil is causing pain not only for ourselves but also for those around us. Our behaviours either guide us or control us.
They provide us with the opportunity to understand and transform our suffering and start healing our internal wounds so they no longer rule our lives.
They will become louder and more forceful, demanding that we start to unpack our emotional baggage and release it from our systems while learning to ride the ebbs and flows of life with more acceptance and understanding.
Gaining awareness of our behaviours is the first step in reclaiming our power and it starts with simple observation and reflection.
Initially, we might not recognise our patterns until after the behaviour has manifested, but over time, we can become so attuned that we are able to choose how we respond to a situation or trigger before it even appears.
Once we have our power back we can choose to repeat damaging behaviours, or we can channel that energy into something beneficial for ourselves AND others, something that uplifts us rather than drags us down.
These behaviours represent the journey from fear to love, which, in my opinion, is the purpose of life. Even if you don’t believe that life has a deeper purpose, wouldn't it be better to experience less suffering? Wouldn’t you prefer to live with more peace & joy? Wouldn't you like to be kinder to and more accepting of those around you and less reactive and angry? I know I would.
I've also written a contemplation on my thoughts around reacting vs responding and how I've noticed it in my own behaviours. You can read it here.
Want to understand your behaviours on a deeper level? Take a look at my Self-Discovery Guides here or get on the waitlist for my Shadow Work course by clicking the link on this page.
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